I attended Chris ward round on Tuesday where he was discharged from hospital, it was pretty easy really, tell them what they wanted to hear, have his depot and he was as good as laughing. Much hasn’t changed, yes he isn’t hurting himself or attempting too but he has these periods of time which occur before the cycle repeats. There is still no therapy in place to maintain or help him manage being better. Anyway it was possibly the hardest ward round I had been too, for one I knew it was my last, this is where a chapter of my life was about to draw to a close and secondly because they asked the question directed at me ‘are you any closer to working out why Chris suddenly got so much better?’ this usually implies that me leaving him was his ‘cure’ so therefore it must have just been me then? Nothing like feeling like it was my fault eh?
The thing was, I couldn’t answer that anymore than I have told anyone else, that yes me leaving probably made him fight for himself and that made him a lot better along with the natural cycle he goes in, whether they want to admit that is how it is or not. What upsets me is what I wanted to say I couldn’t, maybe one day but not now. I had to sit and smile and be all like yeah life is a bunch of roses and deep down it really isn’t.
I closed that chapter of my life walking off the ward, one that was extremely tough and demanding, that sometimes was so rewarding but then would rip me to shreds too. I learnt so many things, good and bad and met a fair few people, some awful but many more so, amazing. I went on a journey, not knowing where things would take me, I never imagined this would happen but then I never imagined one day I would write this blog or have ‘met’ so many amazing and supportive people as you.. yes YOU, reading this now.
While now isn’t the right time to say a fair few things, I wanted to thank you for reading, thank you for listening to me and thank you for supporting my blog. I opened up some of my life to show you some of the things I faced, to help others understand and make those, like me, feel less alone. Thank you to those who have been there every step of the way, including:
@femalePTSD who went as far as to drive me to the hospital, pick me up when I didn’t know what to do and provide an ear and cuddles.
@mentalhealthcop who referred to a few of my blogs on his own and was the reason I started blogging two years ago.
@StMHNurseRahs who answered my questions on becoming a student nurse and is generally lovely
@Ermintrude2 and @mattplaysdrum who were always willing to help answer mental health related questions as best they could.
Two of my amazing friend’s offline C and T… they know who they are, providing copious amounts of support especially recently, I couldn’t have done many a thing without them both.
Finally, my four gorgeous girls, the only reason I ever got up on days when life seemed so tough and difficult, they would always find a way to make me smile and never fail to make me proud.
I still don’t know what comes next, I haven’t decided on my blogging journey or where the next step will take me but I wanted to give you an update, this blog is going nowhere in the hope it will continue to show others they aren’t alone and to provide a point of view of caring for someone with a mental illness. When I know however what the next step for me is after taking some time to look after myself and spoil (just a little bit) my girls, I promise to let you know.
Once again thank you, keep the comments coming and we shall see what the future holds.