acarerseyes

Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

The end of a chapter

5 Comments

I attended Chris ward round on Tuesday where he was discharged from hospital, it was pretty easy really, tell them what they wanted to hear, have his depot and he was as good as laughing. Much hasn’t changed, yes he isn’t hurting himself or attempting too but he has these periods of time which occur before the cycle repeats. There is still no therapy in place to maintain or help him manage being better. Anyway it was possibly the hardest ward round I had been too, for one I knew it was my last, this is where a chapter of my life was about to draw to a close and secondly because they asked the question directed at me ‘are you any closer to working out why Chris suddenly got so much better?’ this usually implies that me leaving him was his ‘cure’ so therefore it must have just been me then? Nothing like feeling like it was my fault eh?

The thing was, I couldn’t answer that anymore than I have told anyone else, that yes me leaving probably made him fight for himself and that made him a lot better along with the natural cycle he goes in, whether they want to admit that is how it is or not. What upsets me is what I wanted to say I couldn’t, maybe one day but not now. I had to sit and smile and be all like yeah life is a bunch of roses and deep down it really isn’t.

I closed that chapter of my life walking off the ward, one that was extremely tough and demanding, that sometimes was so rewarding but then would rip me to shreds too. I learnt so many things, good and bad and met a fair few people, some awful but many more so, amazing. I went on a journey, not knowing where things would take me, I never imagined this would happen but then I never imagined one day I would write this blog or have ‘met’ so many amazing and supportive people as you.. yes YOU, reading this now.

While now isn’t the right time to say a fair few things, I wanted to thank you for reading, thank you for listening to me and thank you for supporting my blog. I opened up some of my life to show you some of the things I faced, to help others understand and make those, like me, feel less alone. Thank you to those who have been there every step of the way, including:

@femalePTSD who went as far as to drive me to the hospital, pick me up when I didn’t know what to do and provide an ear and cuddles.

@mentalhealthcop who referred to a few of my blogs on his own and was the reason I started blogging two years ago.

@StMHNurseRahs who answered my questions on becoming a student nurse and is generally lovely

@Ermintrude2 and @mattplaysdrum who were always willing to help answer mental health related questions as best they could.

Two of my amazing friend’s offline C and T… they know who they are, providing copious amounts of support especially recently, I couldn’t have done many a thing without them both.

Finally, my four gorgeous girls, the only reason I ever got up on days when life seemed so tough and difficult, they would always find a way to make me smile and never fail to make me proud.

I still don’t know what comes next, I haven’t decided on my blogging journey or where the next step will take me but I wanted to give you an update, this blog is going nowhere in the hope it will continue to show others they aren’t alone and to provide a point of view of caring for someone with a mental illness. When I know however what the next step for me is after taking some time to look after myself and spoil (just a little bit) my girls, I promise to let you know.

Once again thank you, keep the comments coming and we shall see what the future holds.

Sarah

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Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

5 thoughts on “The end of a chapter

  1. I just wanted to say that I’ve followed ur blog for a while. And I have to say I think U R a real inspiration. You’ve shown another side of mental health and how it affects people close. For that I thank U. In a small way reading ur blog has helped me. I hope life from now on whether U chose or not to follow on this blog offers U nothing bit happiness for U and ur girls

  2. I have to echo the comment above that I have followed your blog for a while now and it has been massively valuable to me to know I’m not alone (especially after a horrendous CMHT appointment this week where a social worker told my husband he doesn’t have a personality disorder after meeting him for a total of 5 minutes – I will never understand how mental health professionals can’t understand that we are the ones who see them day in day day out and know how easily they can put on a front for the professionals…anyway I digress!) I really hope you keep blogging as I would love to know how you get on with the next chapter of your life and I wish you all the best.

  3. Your blog has been so important, Sarah. You’ve given a voice and a presence to those people who are usually invisible in the equation. The way you’ve had to juggle your needs with those of Chris and your girls has left nothing over for you. That’s just not on and can’t be allowed to continue. Huge respect to you for recognising that and for taking action, even though that was so painful. Do spoil your girls and make sure you save some love for yourself too. xx

  4. Today I read a disturbing tweet by a blogger who has a mental illness, In which she bragged about telling a man who couldn’t cope with his suicidal friend to ‘shove his head up his arse’. Your wonderful blog reminds us how difficult it must be caring for someone with a mental illness. The very nature of having a mental illness can sometimes make us self obsessed and oblivious to the feelings of those who care. I hope the next chapter of your life brings you peace

  5. I am also a Carer ( 21 yrs. + ) ; for my spouse, who is diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder – we have 2 girls , 15 and 22 yrs. old.
    ‘Only those who suffer, Understand’ …. wish you and your family , all the very best.

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