So after twenty-four hours of Chris being off his section and having agreed that he would remain in hospital informally he was already avoiding going back by asking me to stay at home over night. This I didn’t agree to at all, I am shattered, he wasn’t sticking to what the plan was, not that I was surprised. I needed to get a good night’s sleep and not be worrying about what he was up to. Then throw his state of agitation into this and lack of his PRN and night time meds I just thought it was a possible disaster waiting to happen.
If he didn’t want to go back to the ward the only place he could go was to stay with his dad, so that is what he ended up doing, much to his dads disapproval. After all how many times has his dad and I been in this situation. It doesn’t surprise us anymore, so is exactly why when the ward start saying ‘be positive, give it a chance’ really? I did once, this is god knows how many times since and let’s face it; it is just how Chris is.
Anyway he went to his dads and stayed the night there. I didn’t sleep very well at all, a combination of too much on my mind and not feeling so well again. I feel so lost still, I know the things I need to do but physically doing them and having the emotional strength and courage just seems so difficult. I just know that there will never be a relationship with Chris and I again, I have been looking for that person I fell in love with, and I still cannot find him. It still hurts.