acarerseyes

Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

Goodbye 2013

2 Comments

As I look back over the last year it has been hugely emotional, I don’t honestly know how I managed half of what I did or how it took so long for me to reach the point in which I couldn’t do what I was doing anymore. It had more downs than it did ups and I will be glad to close this year and in doing so that chapter of my life. As I keep saying the past couple of months have been so challenging and I really lost who Sarah was, I was constantly on auto pilot just trying to get to the next day. I forever felt like I was drowning and it was taking everything to keep my head above water to just breathe, yet every now and again I would take in more water and was slipping further and further under for longer and longer, thankfully I managed to get out before I drowned.

Looking back over how I felt, bringing back memories is hard, it hurts and probably will do for a long while. The thing is I know I am a strong person, I don’t have to prove that to anyone anymore but it doesn’t mean that ending my relationship with Chris wasn’t difficult, it was right yes, but hard as well. I realised this year that I lost the man I fell in love with and there is no getting him back, I can only hope that I can keep my best friend, the person I have spent so much time with, have four children with and am not willing to just throw away.

The girls have been amazing, I am super proud of the way they have handled everything, still happy and healthy, they take most things in their stride. I am ever so proud of the reports I get back from school, the one hundred percent attendance certificates they come home with and most importantly the happy little smiley faces that look back at me every day. I am so blessed to have them, they really have been what has got me through the tough times and given me a reason to keep fighting even when I felt like completely giving up.

So where does this leave my outlook on 2014? I want to continue to support Chris and updating my blog but I really want to continue to find Sarah again. I need to laugh more, smile more and accept it is ok have needs and want to look after myself as well. I know my girls will be happy with happy parents, that is priority and I hope that Chris will continue to make slow progress to a more positive future for the sake of our children. It is pretty simple for me really; I just want to be happy. I found a quote the other day which summed things up for me really…

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” – Harvey MacKay

Thank you for all your support in 2013, the messages, tweets, texts and those who just read. I couldn’t have genuinely done it without you. I hope you have had a lovely 2013 and if not are able to pull out a couple of positives from it. Wishing you all the best for 2014 and lots more blogging! Thank you.

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Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

2 thoughts on “Goodbye 2013

  1. A very moving but uplifting post from which I can draw strength, thank you. Have a brilliant and sparkling 2014 both for yourself and your family.

  2. Very apt summing up for the year end. It’s uncanny how your words ring in my ears, the same words my Barbara said to me as she left me years ago for the same reasons you’ve drawn the line with Chris.

    You’re correct that you are a strong person, but that can only be fairly said if one takes care of oneself. You are finally able to do that, and I heartily congratulate you for that, Sarah. Many people never learn the importance of self-care.

    I wish you and the girls the very best for 2014, and of course Chris as well.

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