So the assessment is tomorrow for the first of the two specialist hospitals where they want to send Chris. I have so many questions, uncertainties that I am hoping to clear up. There is talk that it could mean he isn’t allowed any contact with us for as much as the first 6months but it will just depend how this specific place works. I know Chris is dreading it and to be honest, so am I because everything has gone from just planting the ideas to this is what we are doing very quickly. It is exhausting thinking of everything all the time though, my mind is on constant overdrive.
One of the things I keep thinking about which will have a big impact on everyone and us as a family is the financial implications, how will this change the set up of benefits, this will probably only be his address postally, where does that leave me with my tenancy and our current benefits. These are all things I have adding to the fact that soon Chris might not be living here anymore. Will the children be allowed to see him and when, do they do their best to make sure family/friends/carers are still a part of a person’s life? I don’t know, there are so many questions I don’t have answers to and I will need to bring up, but at the same time if I am feeling emotional, will I be able to?
The other thing I keep thinking about is, two years being worst case scenario is a long old time to be away from everything. What if he doesn’t cope coming back home and fitting back into a routine with the children and I? What if I can’t cope having him back home, especially if he comes back and struggles again as much as he does at the moment. What if his whole outlook on life changes? That he thinks to continue to get well he wants to continue life on his own? There are so many different ways of looking at it, I feel like we have really hit rock bottom now and we can only try making positives out of the situation, life is going to have to change, in a way I never wanted and is far from ideal.
I start my Maths and English courses on Tuesday, in all honesty I cannot wait, and it will be the goal I need to help see me through the next few months. I would at some point like to go and complete an access course at college with the outlook of going to university to be a nurse.
Things could look hugely different in two years time…