Reality hit me hard last night when a manager rang me back about the wait for psychological therapies in Oldham. After speaking to him last week I knew that Chris wasn’t on the system as waiting for psychology of any kind but he was going to contact the psychologist to see exactly why that was. Well last night he got in touch with me before I was due to leave to see Chris and basically the reason was because Chris hadn’t even been formally assessed for any kind of psychological therapy by them because the psychologist was only working with Chris to see if he could get him suitable for assessment. I was basically told that Chris was ‘high risk’ something I hear all the time and that it didn’t matter if they could get him to the top of the list tomorrow that he wouldn’t be suitable for therapy based simply on risk.
First question is WHY? Why didn’t you tell me this month’s ago? Why can’t you be honest with us? Really how hard is it to be honest so I am not holding onto hope pointlessly? I just felt myself hit earth with a smack last night, a dirty great thud. I struggled to keep the tears away on the phone, when I put the phone down I broke down… another push towards the only option being ‘the unit’ another push towards my family being torn apart. I felt once again lost, really lost.
I feel let down again, I just don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and once again the only ‘plan’ we have is just waiting and ‘riding it out’ which doesn’t feel like much of a plan at all. I hate this situation, really hate it and I don’t even know what the answer is myself anymore other than I really, really want someone to be honest with us and give us all the options until then things are really difficult.