I have made a promise to myself, that if Chris ends up miles away in some kind of rehabilitation unit, whether it be for personality disorders or what, we don’t know at the moment, that I am going to do my damndest for our children and I will get my Maths and English done with the outlook to going to university. I am going to have to turn the huge heartache into something positive to keep me going, and while I don’t for one moment expect it to be easy that I will keep in mind my goals because without them, what do I have?
When I was younger I always wanted to be a nurse, for various reasons this changed as I grew up and I thought about being a midwife at one point, however over the last couple of years I have felt more and more drawn back to my original thought, I would like to be a nurse. I want to make a difference to other people, and I want to be able to provide for Chris and our children and give them a reason to be proud of me. This is perhaps the one thing I can do for him, I am so used to caring for him, I feel lost at the thought he would be miles away for so long and because of having young children I know I won’t get to see him often. This way I can still do something for him and our girls they will all benefit from when he is well enough to return home.
This is all of course if they even go along with this current plan, his social worker is currently on annual leave, so no one really knows her opinion, I did before she went but things have changed so much since, that her opinion might have as well. I need to just keep being strong, have faith and cherish my friends and family who will all help me get through this uncertainty. I need to remember to be kind to myself.