Life currently entails a never ending number of school runs, trips up to the hospital to see Chris, looking after him when he is allowed day leave and the everyday tasks that come with having a house to run. This leaves very little time for me to do anything else; because when I do have five moments to spare I am too exhausted to do anything.
Once Christmas and New Year were out the way I felt that low and heavy feeling that what everyone hypes up and talks about for months and prepares for is now gone, the reality that the norms of everyday life just continues and that it is all over for another year. This is then met with the fact the girls were starting back for a new term at school and I would be back to walking three school runs a day, which feels like the equivalent of a human yoyo. On top of those I have Chris to see too, ward rounds to attend; this is when I feel like a single parent, only it is harder because I have Chris too.
Last night after a week of school runs, Chris having some day leave, attending his ward round and the fact I am so tired at the moment, I felt really sad, sad that Chris has been in hospital for almost five weeks, sad that I long for the Chris I recognise to come back, and while I see glimmers and hold on to that it is so hard. I felt sad that I was sitting on my own again, everyone was asleep, it was just me and while I like my own company the realities of my life at the moment were hitting me once again.
‘Nothing ever looks good through tired eyes’
This couldn’t be truer for me at the moment, some rest and some sleep would do me the world of good but they are both something so difficult to come by.