Although Christmas was always slightly tainted from the moment everything happened with Chris and he ended up in hospital, I knew no matter how much I wanted to crawl into a hole and hibernate through it I had to try and give the girls a fantastic Christmas. Everything had been bought for them, just everyone else who would have to go without this year, I didn’t get round to sending a single card, let alone any gifts but like I kept telling myself the short term pain of him being in hospital would hopefully lead to the long term of him more well than he is at the moment.
Christmas eve he was granted leave until Thursday, they would keep his bed and he could return anytime that he wasn’t coping. He came home and the girls were thrilled to see him, I explained from the word go that he was only coming home for Christmas and he would then be going back to hospital, as at no point did I want them getting confused with him coming and then going. They accepted this.
It was lovely to have Chris home, to spend time with him and the girls as a family again but on Christmas day it hit me like a ton of bricks again just how unwell he is, how much he struggles with simple things and how he just seemed so overwhelmed by everything. My heart, felt crushed again as the reality once again hit me. He managed to get through Christmas day; my parents came and cooked Christmas dinner so we didn’t have anything to think about. On Boxing Day we spent the day just as a family, but from lunchtime things were very difficult, he struggled with agitation, his thoughts, he wasn’t coping very well and he was asking for PRN medication, to which the hospital hadn’t sent him home with any. That night he spent most of it awake or having nightmares and flashbacks and by morning was shaking, sweating, agitated, anxious, worried and again struggling with everything.
His social worker came and picked us both up and we took him back to hospital where he was having a ward round, they have upped some of his medication, they have said he might be allowed some more leave in a couple of days but would see how he goes and try and get to the bottom of the prolonged agitation. It was hard giving him a hug and a kiss and leaving him behind the doors again, it doesn’t get easier but I know deep down he is in the best place at the moment and we can make up for the time lost once he is home. Next ward round has been arranged for next week.