Last weekend was one of the worst I have ever experienced, I spent all of Saturday night trying to keep Chris safe, using distraction of absolutely anything I could think of before giving him his medication and then crossing my fingers that he slept. He didn’t so subsequently I didn’t sleep either. I knew I just needed to get him to Sunday morning when the Home Treatment Team would be out to assess him. They arrived late, but they did call and let us know, which makes a welcome change. I couldn’t be there because I had the girls and didn’t want them to hear the conversation as it isn’t appropriate. I went upstairs with them to make dens and play teddy bears picnics until they had been and gone. I returned downstairs once I had heard them about to leave and after they had walked out the door, having said nothing to me I asked Chris what they had said. He told me they didn’t know how to help him and that he already had distraction techniques in place and that they would write to his social worker with some recommendations. My jaw nearly hit the floor and I went outside to see if I could see them to find out their reasons as to why they hadn’t been able to help but they had gone, I had no idea where but they had just vanished.
Early afternoon Chris went out without saying anything and I didn’t know where he was, I text various family and he wasn’t with them, I managed to get hold of him, he said he didn’t want to come home and that he wished he was dead. I managed to talk to him and get him home, I reassured him things would be ok and he wouldn’t feel like this forever. He came home and it was obvious he was finding things very hard, I tried to keep him busy and suggested he try and have a sleep on the sofa.
I had just started cooking tea, the smell of Pork and caramelised onion sausages was starting to fill the house, between sorting the tea and answering to the demands of the children I hadn’t noticed that Chris once again was not in the house. At this moment in time I needed a few more hands and eyes than I actually had. I went to grab my mobile to ring Chris and see where he was, to find the message ‘No one is going to stop me this time, I haven’t taken my phone. I love you all bye’ I felt sick, my stomach sank, I got my neighbour to grab the girls because once I had checked with family, if they hadn’t seen him then I would have to call the police and there was no way I could make that call in front of the girls.
No one had seen him; the girls were now next door completely unaware, I began to dial 999. I managed to explain everything, at some points barely holding it together, the man on the other end of the telephone was very nice he did everything to try and make things slightly easier and assured me that even though we were still on the phone there were already units being made aware of his description and the areas I suggested he may be. He ended the phone call telling me I needed to stay at home and if I heard or knew anymore then I was to ring them back. I just remember sitting on the sofa with my head in my hands trying my hardest not to fall apart, I didn’t know what to do, I felt helpless.
The police had rang Chris dad and let them know they had found him and that they would be bringing the car back to our house and then taking Chris to hospital. They showed up at the house and I recognised the officer right away, I had dealt with him twice before and he was always very good, never treated Chris with anything but kindness. The other policeman who it turned out was a traffic, asked me how old he was and we all agreed it was just so sad. The officer I had met before said to me Chris wasn’t agreeing to go to hospital so he didn’t have a choice but to section him, he told me he would come back and see me at some point before he finished for the night at nine.
I closed the door to them and I broke down, I walked into the kitchen where I had been previously cooking to see the half cook sausages lying on the grill pan. I messaged my neighbour who told me she was giving the girls tea and she would bring me some round and I was to get the girls once I was ready (she is an amazing friend that is for sure). I couldn’t really eat though, but I knew I needed to force even a little bit in because I would need my strength. I got the girls home and to bed, the police officer came back and we had a chat, before he left and then a doctor from the hospital rang (He had been taking to a POS and not a Police cell) asking me what had been going on recently and I filled them in on everything before she said they would be keeping Chris in and he had agreed to stay informally. I got myself into bed but needless to say it was going to be a looooong night!