Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

Crisis Care? What is that? Part Three.


Following on from ‘Crisis Care? What is that? Part Two.’ After rearranging childcare, which involved messing people around, again and making sure my meeting at the school didn’t last too long because I needed to get away pretty quickly, I dropped the girls back with Chris dad and returned home. Only two ‘good’ things came out of the next hour, one she actually turned up and two, she was going to get EDT (Emergency Duty Team) to ring Chris on Sunday. To be honest though that is really all she could have done at half past four on a Friday afternoon, because it was easy and at least it was something.

She asked Chris how he was doing and he wasn’t as bad as he had been at that very moment in time (still scoring suicidal thoughts at an 8 though) but it was obvious by looking at him he was struggling, he hadn’t improved any and the worrying thing about all of this was you couldn’t predict how low his mood would dip again at any given moment in time. I had pretty much resided to the fact that we weren’t going to get any more help than this though and it was going to be a very long weekend indeed. She left saying that she ‘might’ come again on Monday but she didn’t know about times and wasn’t sure so could only let us know on Monday morning, this alone wasn’t very comforting and no doubt I will be the one chasing around again for a time.

We ask for more help, they cause us more bother, I tell them he is in crisis, they don’t seem to believe me and overall I sometimes wish I didn’t need to deal with the added stress they cause as well as the natural stress from looking after someone who is unwell and distressed.

Chris isn’t like this all the time, this is in a period of Crisis, he has been drinking, incorrectly taking his medication, not sleeping, having flashbacks and nightmares and his suicidal thoughts are always between an 8 and 10. He has been pacing, agitated, angry, restless, snappy, upset and crying all the time, blank, he’s said some weird things, doesn’t always feel there is hope for him, he doesn’t really do anything, he rarely talks, in fact I don’t even know where Chris is. Apparently though this isn’t crisis it’s how Chris always presents, I put it very bluntly to his social worker if this was how Chris was continuously I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t live like this 24/7. This isn’t Chris and when are they going to start listening to that, I live with him, I see him at his best and at his worst, I know him inside out and I know right now he needs more support, I have been here before but they choose to ignore me. They make me feel like I don’t know him at all. Keeping him busy is going to be the plan this weekend which is again exhausting; this is going to be one hell of a long weekend!


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

3 thoughts on “Crisis Care? What is that? Part Three.

  1. Sarah and Chris. So sorry to hear of your troubles with crisis care. I have had similar issues with them in the recent past too. Sarah, it must be very draining for you and I hope that you get some time to take a breather this weekend. Chris, even-though you have not received the care that you deserve, you are proving to all of us just how strong you are as you ride this storm.

    All the very best to you and the family.


  2. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I haven’t got a partner/family member with a mental health diagnosis, but my best friend who also has BDP lived with us for 18months, and I was her carer, and I recognise the situation. Trying to “persuade” the services that she wasn’t well, that she was about to have a massive crisis, that she and I needed help, to be told “she seems like her normal self” “we might come and visit” etc. Makes you want to scream! This system fails so many. I get the feeling BDP is such a difficult illness for most of them to understand, let alone manage with any sort of effectiveness, It’s not like other illnesses, it needs a different approach?
    I hope you managed to get through the weekend and Chris is doing ok and you got some rest at some point.

  3. I do have BPD and it makes me really sad to read some of your entries. I can see the difficulties from both sides of the coin – being in the midst of this chaos, but also how difficult it must be to try and care for someone (i.e how my own partner must feel) when people like us are in a crisis. I really hope you get the support your need.

    It’s also helpful for me to read this as a BPD sufferer because it helps to give insight into the effect that this/our condition has on carers, and this is something that we can often lack at the time things are happening. Thanks for sharing and I really do hope things get better not only for Chris, but for you and your children.

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