I woke at midnight and Chris hadn’t come to bed, he had been asleep when I went to bed and the night before he had spent the night on the sofa too so I came down to check on him. He was just stirring and said he would be up to bed in a moment after having a cup of tea. So I went back up to bed and must have fallen asleep. I woke up at half past two in the morning and the hall light was still on and Chris wasn’t in bed, upon realising this amongst the brain fog I shot out of bed and down the stairs, the sofa lay empty, the kitchen was how I had left it, I began to panic, where on earth was Chris. I shot to the window and peered out into the darkness, I felt sick; I didn’t know where he was.
I went back upstairs and grabbed my mobile, I wrote him a message asking where he was, and thank goodness he replied telling me he was at his brothers and wouldn’t be home until the morning. This was so out of character at the moment, he was feeling suicidal and to escape his thoughts he needed to go out, which he did but didn’t think to tell me. His brother didn’t even think to let me know he was there in case Chris hadn’t told me as it is a little odd him turning up there gone midnight. After all this I couldn’t sleep, I was worried sick about him, I wasn’t able to keep an eye on him and I don’t trust his brother too either, what if he just left there and no one knew where he was. So I have been awake since about half past two, I am shattered and I just want him home because he is due medication shortly too.
I just want to say a huge thanks to @FemalePTSD who was there for me in the small hours, it means a lot hun!