It would appear today that I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. I am worried about far too much to even attempt to go into it all. That feeling that my brain is going around in circles with things I have going on at the moment or that need addressing.
I am worried about my eldest Emily, she is at that age now where she is asking questions about her dad and it is actually breaking my heart to even think I have to explain that her Daddy is unwell. I know I need to be open and honest with her so that she can understand and doesn’t blame herself but every time I think about it I want to cry for her.
I have the fact that once again he is losing his CPN and at the moment I don’t know of a replacement, that the crisis team is due to discharge him on Monday and as things stand there is no long term plan in place. Who knows what will happen about that, will we be left for months on end again with no one?
I am worried because of all the problems his family cause, I am not even going to start about that, but instead will Blog it separately some other time when I can think straight enough to open up such a difficult topic which sees me stuck well and truly in the middle.
There are just some days where I wake up, normally tired (nothing ever looks good from behind tired eyes) and I have to slap on the smile, the brave face and pretend all is fine, when inside I am crying and the only thing I really want to do is give up and make everything go away. As many carers will know it doesn’t matter how you feel, you have to find something from somewhere to keep going because too many people are depending on you.