acarerseyes

Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

The whole world is on my shoulders.

1 Comment

It would appear today that I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. I am worried about far too much to even attempt to go into it all. That feeling that my brain is going around in circles with things I have going on at the moment or that need addressing.

I am worried about my eldest Emily, she is at that age now where she is asking questions about her dad and it is actually breaking my heart to even think I have to explain that her Daddy is unwell. I know I need to be open and honest with her so that she can understand and doesn’t blame herself but every time I think about it I want to cry for her.

I have the fact that once again he is losing his CPN and at the moment I don’t know of a replacement, that the crisis team is due to discharge him on Monday and as things stand there is no long term plan in place. Who knows what will happen about that, will we be left for months on end again with no one?

I am worried because of all the problems his family cause, I am not even going to start about that, but instead will Blog it separately some other time when I can think straight enough to open up such a difficult topic which sees me stuck well and truly in the middle.

There are just some days where I wake up, normally tired (nothing ever looks good from behind tired eyes) and I have to slap on the smile, the brave face and pretend all is fine, when inside I am crying and the only thing I really want to do is give up and make everything go away. As many carers will know it doesn’t matter how you feel, you have to find something from somewhere to keep going because too many people are depending on you.

Advertisements

Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

One thought on “The whole world is on my shoulders.

  1. I am an avid reader of the blog and have been for some time (gave up blogging myself earlier this year) Earlier this morning I came across an advert for the University of Manchester in the place where I am attending for weekly therapy and I thought of you. It is a research programme on parents with severe mental health difficulties and how their children cope.

    I thought of you because of a recent post where you referred to how your eldest now asks questions about Daddy. I thought it might be of help, the contact email is Yvonne.awenat@manchester.ac.uk they are looking to talk to parents with mental health difficulties and carers and can do so over the phone, they also offer a small fee for your trouble.

    Hope I have not been too forward or assuming with this for you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s