It is bad enough feeling unwell at anytime really especially when you have flu and everything hurts, your temperature is all over the place and you feel like if you cough anymore you might injure yourself. However being ill and looking after someone is what felt like sometimes, the impossible. Yes we all know what it is like to be a mum and when we are poorly still have to look after the children, except that is where partners normally give a hand albeit sometimes a very little hand, depending on how willing your partner is. I hear of those who get to spend the day in bed, don’t need to worry about anything to those who have to get on as much as they can knowing that when bedtime comes they can get the children to bed before going to bed themselves. Some even have children old enough to see to themselves which also eases the pressure on a mother.
However this is where I am different, children are predominantly looked after by me for a start, call me a single parent sometimes but that is just how it goes, so no lie ins, staying in bed to recover or children off with family for the day. I do have to just get on with it. Then you might say well ‘when they are in bed get to bed yourself’ but when they are in bed I still have Chris, he needs medication and making sure he doesn’t just disappear, he needs to be reminded it might be good to go to bed so he doesn’t just end up asleep on the sofa fully clothed. I need to make sure he has had something to eat, that he is alright and so makes it impossible for me to just go to bed and sleep.
So despite me feeling awful, high temperature, cough, sore throat, ear ache, headache, tummy ache, clammy and achy so much so it was even difficult to walk up and down the stairs, I had to try and just get on with it. Too many people needed me, I wanted very much too just sleep but I had to keep going. One evening when I felt really ill, the girls were all fast asleep in bed and Chris expressed he was struggling so much with suicidal thoughts and it was taking all his energy not to act on them. I was exhausted and struggling to even sit up so I suggested he just come and lie on the bed with me, that way I could rest but at the same time could keep an eye on him, and I knew he was safe. This is what we did, eventually he fell asleep and I was able to get some sleep as well.
I still have a cough, it is taking me awhile to recover from what I think in the end was flu, I am left now just feeling weak, I have not been that unwell for years and it has really taken it out of me but it is just an example of how no matter how unwell I feel I just can’t rest or stop what I am doing to allow myself to recover. It is really hard; I am just hoping and praying after that I am now free from being ill for a long while.