Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

Lets kick you while you are down.

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At the beginning of August we were offered a chance to move to a bigger house, although I knew it would be really stressful I also knew at one day we would have to do it. We accepted and were told we would be moving around the 20th August giving us two weeks to pack our belongings and move. My mum bless her had made the trip all the way up from her holiday in Devon in order to help us and we had packed everything up. We rang the people dealing with our move once all the non essentials were packed to confirm more information when they decided to inform us we wouldn’t be moving now until the beginning of September.  I wasn’t impressed they had left us to find it out and hadn’t contacted us themselves sooner.

As we were getting closer to the beginning of September and the girls going back to school, we were sat in the doctors when Chris phone rang, it was the person dealing with our move, she was informing us that we now wouldn’t be moving until the end of September because of a ‘court case’ to do with the previous tenant, though the court case was nothing housing related. She told us she would keep us up to date about what would be happening. This appeared not to be the case and a week ago we gave her a ring asking for an update, there was apparently nothing else to tell us. So deciding that there was nothing we could do anytime soon I put the move to the back of my head.

Sadly as you already know, Chris took a huge overdose on the 8th September, and is currently very unwell and involved with the Home treatment team (formally known as the crisis team) Knowing that we are in no position at all to move house at the moment I decided to try and contact the woman dealing with us. She was unavailable so I left a message and commenced the wait for her to get back to me. I waited and waited and waited.

Yesterday Chris gets a call to his mobile, it was this woman, she wanted to deal with him, he spoke to her for awhile before the call was ended with her ringing him back. He was starting to get upset about what she had been saying but was ringing back once she had spoken to someone else. I agreed with him that when she rang back he would insist she spoke to me because at the moment he isn’t well enough to be dealing with problems he doesn’t need to deal with. She called again and Chris did exactly that handing over the phone to me.

Now I found myself in the most awful situation I had possibly ever been in, explaining how drastically our circumstances had changed, how things were nowhere near stable enough to move. I had to go into detail about how bad things had been with Chris at the weekend because it was almost like she didn’t believe what I was saying, like I would be making up some like this! It was awful, she constantly spoke over me, she didn’t listen to what I was saying and even more she was now going to be removing us from the housing list if I didn’t move and there was nothing I could do about it. Time and time again I was having to try and explain that had we moved when she stated we would have been moved ages ago, how with Chris how he is things can change quickly and this wasn’t my fault but by moving in these circumstances could be detrimental to us as a family. By the time this conversation was finished, she had reduced me to tears that were now pouring down my face, I felt completely drained, she had made me feel like a complete inconvenience, like I was making her job harder and that I should just do as she says and move or I would be punished, punished because my partner is too unwell at the moment.  Again I had to wait for her to speak to someone and ring me back, a conversation that again I knew I didn’t want to have with her.

She rang back, I was only just getting myself together from the first attack, she told me I could have until Friday 21st September to think about it and if I didn’t agree to move after that I would be removed from the housing list. I could barely take in what she was telling me anymore, the fight in me had completely vanished, I didn’t need this, and I didn’t need someone else to start making life any harder than it already is. I ended the phone call, I will seek support of any professional agreeing to back me up and if at the end of the day they still take us of the list then so be it, right now moving house would be like I said before detrimental to my family, the family I am doing my best to protect and if that means they remove me off their housing list because Chris is unwell then be my guest.


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

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