Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

They could only make it worse part two.


This is the second installment, the first can be found here.

After finally getting Chris referred to the Crisis team they had told his CPN that they wouldn’t be making contact until the following day to make arrangements to come out and see him so his CPN had checked with me I had the number for the emergency duty team and if need be we were to attend A&E if things were extremely bad that night.  Our doctor had already arranged to ring Chris on Tuesday evening, so when she rang and I started to fill her in on the events of the weekend she made arrangements for Chris to go and see her at the surgery. We went up there Tuesday evening and she was pretty shocked at what had gone on, she was even more surprised that Chris didn’t even know when he could resume his medication after the overdose because I myself hadn’t want to give it him and risk poisoning him further.  She wrote to his consultant psychiatrist and gave us the letter to hand to her the following day at depot clinic.

Dosed up on Zopiclone Chris was ok for the night, I however was far from able to sleep after the day’s events, I couldn’t relax or switch off for sheer worry about what was going to happen and if things were actually going to get sorted. As much as it was difficult to get out of bed and start my morning i knew once again my children and Chris needed me, brave face applied I started my day.

Once all the girls were once again dropped off to school and playgroup I went with Chris for his weekly trip to the depot clinic, while we were booking in we asked if he could speak to his consultant, the lovely receptionist rang through and the doctor agreed to come out and see him, we sat down in our usual seats and waited until the doctor came out. We had barely sat down when she came over to see us, I handed her the letter from our doctor, she read it, the shock of her face said it all before asking how he was and deciding that she would leave it up to the Crisis team to decide when they wanted to start it as they could monitor it. She then said she would contact our GP and let them know. We then sat back down and commenced the long wait for his depot injection.

On arriving home after his depot and having picked the two girls up from school and playgroup, dropping them off to Grandads we started our wait for the crisis team, they were coming out to do an assessment and see if they could help Chris and if they could, in what way.  They arrived and the feeling of dread lurked in my stomach as i know from past experience the crisis team always goes one of two ways, it either really helps or more commonly causes a crisis themselves by making things even worse. They appeared friendly and were trying to help; they seemed a lot more organised since their reshuffle at the beginning of the year. They asked Chris loads of questions and though I couldn’t help but pick up on the number of times they made reference to the number of times Chris had been under them before, which was beginning to get a bit uncalled for. They then brought up the issue of the KEY, the one that locks the safe, the one that I keep on me except for at night when I am sleeping, the thing that takes away some of the impulsiveness of Chris to overdose. Chris explained that he had been able to sneak the key off me, now as if I don’t already feel bad enough myself then it feels like all eyes are on me while the ground swallows me up for being such a rubbish carer.  They continued to talk to him at one point referring to the fact that ‘I’m sure Sarah would rather sleep with the key than risk you taking an overdose’ that is where in my opinion they crossed the line, joke, no joke, I don’t know, it wasn’t funny nor appropriate and honestly if I am having to go to such lengths as that to keep Chris safe then it sure begs the question, should he be in hospital?

Once they had made arrangements to sort out his new anti depressant with his consultant and get back to us on when he could start it and a time that was suitable to visit again they had left and the house was restored to its once quiet self.


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

2 thoughts on “They could only make it worse part two.

  1. I don’t know how you manage. It sounds an absolute nightmare. The organisation of Chris’ care seems shambolic, he is so lucky to have you. But this enormous pressure on you is too much. I am very aware of the difficult situation and how chaotic it can be but that is the illness, it shouldn’t be that the ‘professionals’ reflect that chaos. If you knew that that help was available when you needed it this might help you both to cope with the difficult times. Would he (and you) be left like this if it were a physical illness? I do hope that you get the support that you deserve. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Honey, your strength once again is just fucking amazing, I know myself from being the one who gets cared for, that it must be a total nightmare, when I have made up my mind I want my med’s and literally move hell and high water to find them. When found, feeling somewhat pleased with my efforts finally having paid off, I often will take a handful, yet not enough to overdose, because I am not looking for them so much for that reason, I am out to prove some kind of idiotic point, that I am an adult, and do not need to be monitored by a warden, however that being said, it would seem that I do require some assistance when self medicating, and yes sadly I do have to admit my career is doing the right thing by me although I really do at times despise him for being the boss, as I view it, almost like having the upper hand, yet deep down knowing that yes I can, do and will self medicate to the point I am numb, feeling free and easy, yet neglecting to admit that I am off my face.
    Suffice to say this crisis team thing you got going on need a hard boot up their per-verbally butt’s how dare they make light of any situation where a person life and quality of life is at steak, who the hell do these half witts think they are? obviously they think they are professionals, yet neglect to realise they are not the ones who live with and deal with your situation on a daily basis.
    I do believe in my heart of hearts the Chris this time does require hospitalization for his sake and that of yours.
    You often write about Chris and how he is feeling yet you rarely write about how this entire thing affects you and how your coping, you appear to go into your auto piolet, and forget that your a person, a new mother again, and its ok for you not to be OK.
    You feeling not OK, is not failing at your role as a career, its your simply being human,
    I wish I had more than words to offer, I wish I had words that might actually help and or make some sort of sense, but I don’t all I can say is girl friend you are one hell of a lady, a fantastic mother and a bloody brilliant career, and honey, your a wonderful person with the biggest heart I have ever seen! ((hugs)) Angel

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