Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

‘They are on annual leave’

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It appears to be that time of the year; you know the one where what seems as the whole of the professional world is on annual leave. Support at the moment for me is lacking, in fact it is nonexistent, before I could at least pick up the telephone and ring the health visitor or the community nurse. Now as I reach for the telephone just to speak to someone, perhaps they can’t do anything anyway but sharing the load helps, there is no number to dial, they are all on annual leave.

It is pretty lonely at the best of times but at least I would normally have the comfort that these various people are paid to pick up the telephone and listen to me moan but now that has gone for awhile what do I have? My mum, she is fantastic but there really is only so much she can do from 200 miles away and only so much she can put up with listening to, as after all she has her own life as well. Friends will listen for awhile until they even get fed up of me and cant understand anyway so I tend not to even bother them with my issues anymore, I can almost hear them screaming ‘oh gosh hear she comes again… ruuuuun!.’

I only appear to exist to Chris family when they want something from me, forget helping they will normally do everything to make life ten times harder it seems. They don’t offer help, they don’t even text, call, pop round to see if we are alright. Not even to see if Chris is alright if they would rather pretend I don’t exist, but that’s just it they don’t even appear to be the slightest bothered about their own son/brother/nephew. I would bet that they wouldn’t know what Chris was diagnosed with, referring to him as just being ‘mentally unwell’ this isn’t because he hasn’t told them, because he has more than once but because they aren’t the slightest bit interested or bothered about him. That is the sad reality. Chris will get cross with me, he will show me his emotions because he knows that I will always love him no matter what, he won’t dare tell his mum about how little she supports him and how much that affects him because he is worried she won’t love him unconditionally like I do. If he was to get cross with her about something she would simply walk away and he wouldn’t hear off her until he made the first move, again, she doesn’t make any effort.

Things are far from easy at the best of times; lack of support is a huge problem, and one I am not even sure how to address. I know things will become easier when the girls are back at school and everyone is back from annual leave. I for one won’t have to rely on anyone to look after the girls for Chris appointments; I will feel able to get on without feeling let down by other people. I will also be back to picking up the phone to someone who is paid to listen and help me. It is pretty sad when they majority of people that care are those that are paid to.


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

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