At the beginning of 2011 Chris was rather unwell and I remember feeling exactly as I do at the moment but although he wasn’t getting any support I had an amazing health visitor, a community nurse, a fantastic GP, so if it all got a bit much for me I could ring/see one of them and get some support myself. Even if they couldn’t do anything they did support me and made an attempt at understanding, it also meant I was listened to. However I lost my health visitor a month before Cora was born because she moved areas and I have a new one now, my community nurse has just taken three weeks leave and my GP is on maternity leave. Add to this his CPN still being very new to us, Chris has only had her since after Cora was born (Cora is 7weeks old) because his social worker changed roles and that wasn’t handled very well at the time either. I don’t know if I can trust his CPN yet, it is something we need to build on that will take time.
So there’s two GP’s at our doctors at the moment that know about Chris and his history and one of those has just taken three weeks off and the other one who is pretty new herself covering the maternity leave, I asked yesterday for an appointment for but I couldnt see until the week of the 3rd September. I actually turned around, walked out and cried. There is basically no one, well that is what it feels like, and it is no good telling me to talk to a different one, because when life is as complicated as ours I don’t want to have to explain everything over again, I want to deal with someone who already knows or at least knows a little bit about things.
A bit of a change in support would be fine but ours has been ripped apart and completely put back together with entirely different people. My trust has gone, can you blame me? We have been let down, lied too, too many times before for me to immediately trust anyone.