Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

Not knowing what to do for the best.

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Most days I get up and go through the same routine of taking the girls to school and playgroup, housework, feeding Cora, changing nappies, cooking, picking children up, putting them to bed, you get the picture. This normally goes on around catering for Chris and his needs, appointments, medication, talking to him, waking him up, making sure he’s ok etc. However last night was a bit different as after all it hadn’t happened for a little while and the last time it happened when I had a very young baby in the house was getting on two years ago when Willow was a baby.

I was feeding Cora, I knew Chris wasn’t feeling too good; he had gone for a lie down on the bed and hadn’t eaten any tea. He came downstairs and went in the kitchen, I called through while I was feeding and asked if he was alright and what was he doing, he replied with nothing. Something however didn’t sit right with me, I wasn’t happy so I stopped feeding Cora and lay her down while I went to see if he was ok. I walked into the kitchen with an unexplained knot in my stomach and saw him taking tablet after tablet. I quickly gathered them up before he could take anymore and locked them into the safe taking the key and placing it in my pocket. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was suicidal and didn’t really know. I asked what he had taken and how many and he answered my questions roughly, I took the key and checked the safe to confirm what he was telling me was more or less correct. This then left me in an awful situation… What do I do?

In all honesty I always doubt what to do now, I know the issues are will he even go to hospital? Whether his overdose is enough for anyone to worry about? Am I wasting an ambulances time? Will he even stay in hospital? Will anyone actually do anything or will they send him home a couple of hours later? Just to name a few. So this leaves me feeling pretty helpless, pretty worried and watching him like a hawk. I have previously been told that what he had taken would make him drowsy if taken too many of but still I am no medic, I just didn’t know. After I asked him if he would seek medical help he said no he would be fine and fell asleep on the sofa, I kept an eye on him and after awhile roused him to see if he was ok. He was pretty confused and had slurred speech, he wasn’t able to stand properly, he came out with random questions and when I asked him if I could get him an ambulance he just refused saying again he would be fine he just felt exhausted. I spoke to him for ages and all the time his symptoms were easing off and I made him promise me he would see our GP in the morning which he accepted. Only one problem now, it meant I hardly slept a wink for worrying about him.

He saw our GP today, I took him there and explained what had happened, he was now without any symptoms other than a little tired and groggy. I also asked what I should have done with regards to getting him help; he said I could have called an ambulance as the drug he took would have meant he needed to be watched for so many hours. This is the thing, if I hadn’t just had Cora I would have probably taken him up in a taxi and got him seen but I couldn’t, I was powerless to get him anywhere and at the moment when his family aren’t able to help in any way, shape or form I couldn’t get anyone else to take him up or look after the girls either. All a bit of a nightmare really and I honestly hate being in that situation, maybe ringing if I am worried regardless next time is the way forward, I just hate being treated like a pain in the butt.

Our GP asked if he wanted to spend the weekend in hospital which he refused so instead he has an appointment to see whichever GP is working tomorrow morning in case he is bad again over night. Sadly I couldn’t even contact his CPN today because she has had a few days off so I can’t get hold of her until Monday. He has some PRN medication I have given him tonight, hopefully that will see him sleeping through until morning without problem.


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

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