There are always things we don’t want to hear, for whatever reason and times when the timing of things can’t get any worse. So we all know the baby is due in just over two weeks time and the news that was unfortunately sprang on me today was news I didn’t need at all and certainly not now while Chris is struggling as much as he is. I was talking to our community nurse who comes out from the doctors every now and again and she asked me what was happening with Chris social worker of late. I said we hadn’t really had much contact from her and I was worried about Chris but he didn’t feel able to contact her anymore after she last failed to contact him when she said she would. Anyway she mentioned that there was talk of his social worker changing jobs, areas, I am not overly certain to which I replied ‘well that’s great’ and to which she said ‘exactly not great at all is it’ She told me not to mention anything to Chris and she would ring his Social worker and find out to make sure she had got her facts correct.
Sadly once the community nurse had gone, later this afternoon I got a call from her saying that it was correct and that his social worker was currently doing both jobs and realised it wasn’t the best time for all this change hence why she hadn’t told us yet. There is never going to be a good time to break this to Chris, but it couldn’t get much worse than now. So where did this leave me? Stuck in the ruddy middle of everything again while I work out if I keep it from him like they suggested until things are better or tell him because he is my partner, I love him dearly and he knows when things aren’t right with me. He isn’t stupid, and I am hormonal so it isn’t difficult to tell when I have been hit with something worrying/shocking/upsetting etc. I did tell him, I mean I would want to know, I don’t want to keep anything from him and what if he keeps feeling worse, there will never be a good time to tell him then and he is going to have to deal with it at some point, he’s no choice.
So where does this leave me? Worried sick about how I am going to get him through the next few months, worried sick about who will take her place baring in mind he has had his current one for a year end of July and it has taken this long for him to trust her enough to tell her anything. Worried sick about starting all this again while he is also worried about the baby coming along and being a good father. Worried sick that all this change is going to tip him over the edge. Not to mention my extremely good GP has just started maternity leave, I might have to change health visitor and now his social worker too. I did have a good cry to myself while I was peeling the potatoes for tea, I mean I just want something to go right and continue to go right just for once. I see rocky times ahead.