Well there has been so much going on of late that I haven’t had much chance to update here in awhile. My nesting instincts seem to have gone on overdrive and now I want to paint/clean/tidy everything within an inch of its life. This I have found has proved very useful in helping to keep Chris safe and occupied while afterwards giving him a sense of satisfaction that he has achieved something. I know to some it sounds so small but that’s pretty huge at the moment for Chris. Turning negative emotions into something positive is something he struggles with. He has helped me paint a number of walls and even do some wallpapering as well and while he has still remained very agitated and struggled with suicidal thoughts I keep trying to give him something to focus on and look forward to, in a way.
At the moment both Chris, his Social worker and I are trying to piece together events before our youngest was born to how Chris seems to be going downhill again now and working out the patters in his behaviour in the hope of stopping or controlling them better this time. I know he is already very anxious about the new baby and how he is going to be, this is mainly because he puts so much pressure on himself to get it right and be this perfect person I don’t think even the best father in the world could achieve. To me he is an amazing dad but he needs to believe this himself, I can say it to him until I am blue in the face but until he sees it, it doesn’t mean anything to him.
I am currently writing a blog called Contingency Plans to do with being a carer due to have a baby… look out for it!