Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

Tough times


I have not blogged in awhile; this is because things here have been far from good. Dealing with a very suicidal and unstable Chris at times, not knowing how to help him and having very little in the means of support from anyone that does. Even now he isn’t seeing his social worker until Friday. Even he has said he deems himself high risk in terms of how at risk to himself he is. Exhausted doesn’t really cut it to be honest, I am seeing patterns from where we were last year but apart from making suggestions on ways he can help himself and trying to keep him busy I am fighting what feels like a losing battle and feel pretty useless. Too many times has he this week disappeared on me, not taking his phone, usually in the evening and not returning for hours on end leaving me worried that he is ok. All patterns again I saw last year when he was extremely bad.

He’s gone back to avoiding me, not talking to me, disappearing all things that are worrying signs for him, at least if he is telling me how he feels I have some kind of idea, most of the time at the moment I am having to guess and this is usually when he’s high risk from overdosing. As I write this, I really feel like crying, hormones are more than likely not helping me at the moment. He doesn’t know the trigger behind his feelings so no one knows what to do not even his social worker.



Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

7 thoughts on “Tough times

  1. My heart and soul go out to you as you struggle to keep some kind of “normal”. I have no answers either which makes it so frustrating! I know C likes photography and wouldn’t it be so much better if drought wasn’t so wet! Does Chris like art…I went to a mosaics workshop the other day and found it very relaxing (as did stressed out sisters) trying to formulate a pattern out of so much stuff! Class was mainly silent with people lost in thought!
    Could C (and you)make something for you both (each other?)

    Non-arty best friend sadly has breast cancer and spent last summer making a hard-standing for a garden table…inspired by a trip to Barcelona and Gaudi’s work, She has produced a wonderful Cuadi type base which doubles as hard standing and garden art! Used lots of pattern, with old tiles, flower pots etc! Maybe C could look through photo file and find inspiration?
    Your hormones must be all over the place Sarah, Anything is worth trying it seems.
    Hope this helps in some small way!
    Take care xxx

  2. Thank you so much Dee, there are some really good ideas there, I am going to mention them to him when the time is right. Will also mention his camera because he sometimes finds little projects to do with it around the house. I think at the moment it would just be stimulating him enough for him to do it, everything is so difficult when you feel so low that even getting off the sofa feels like climbing a mountain to him.
    Thanks again, take care too xxx

  3. I wish I could offer some advice, it is times like this when people like Chris need to be in hospital for their own safety. Is there no respite place near you where perhaps he can go for a few days to allow you a break, it is all well and good being a carer, but you are also a pregnant carer and the social worker should perhaps be making better suggestions at times like this to help both you and Chris.

  4. M heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers and (((HUGS))). It is difficult for you and no that you are not useless. The fact that you love him and are standing by him through difficult time shows you have a lot of strength and character. Wish I knew how to help you but take care of yourself. Have a blessed day.

  5. I have been following your blogs, your updates on Chris and how you deal with everything from a careers point of view, I agree hormones right now with you will be all over the place, but that is no reason to under play how your feeling, your feelings of helplessness are more than justified, after all it is you who is the one left to worry about the what if’s and what he could be doing.

    My suggestion would be to possibly look into some form of respite care, for both his and your sake, respite care is offered on a day to day kind basis which might be what he needs a different face with things that are slightly different from his usual routine, or the 2nd option one that I am not fond of which is hospitilastion until the doctor’s pull their damn finger out and get his medication to a level he is able to function on.

    I admire your strength girl and your determination your loyalty and your love.

    You are one hell of a chick xx (((hugs))) Angel

  6. I’m so sorry you are in this situation. If he deems himself as “high risk” then he should be in inpatient; he’s a danger to himself and others. I’d call the social worker and let her know what he said since it seems as if he’s in crisis.

  7. He deemed himself ‘high risk’ to the social worker when she asked him how he rated himself as in terms of risk. Honestly if i even so much as suggested hospital right now they would laugh at me. He’s been waaaay worse than this before and they wouldnt admit him. As far as I am aware as well there isnt anywhere he could go respite wise either. He’s in to see our GP in the morning, will see what happens then.
    Thank you all x

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