Being a carer I have found something pretty hard going that is you’re the first person blamed and last person listened too. Health professionals give the opinion most of the time that you are being a pain in the backside, your inconvenient, they know more about your partner/child/parent/friend than you do because you couldn’t possibly understand someone’s illness as much as them because they have paperwork to prove their knowledge. So your just ‘there’ half the time neither the professional or the patient just ‘a person’ yet for most people suffering with illness you’re the person that tries makes their life a little easier by every little thing you do.
I am so easy to blame, half the time only acknowledged when they have something to blame me for like
- ‘Well why didn’t you have his medication?’
- ‘Where were you when this happened?’
- ‘Why didn’t you call us?’
- ‘Did you lock his medication up?’
- ‘Why don’t you control the money’
- ‘If you’re so involved, you come up with his care plan.’
that’s just to name a few. Guess what? I AM ONLY HUMAN! At one point last year I was so upset with being blamed for everything, from all angles, health professionals, Chris family and even Chris himself. It was so easy to blame me when I was one of the few people along with my health visitor and GP that was actually trying to help Chris. It is so draining trying to battle against people who were meant to be helping and instead chucking their failures onto me. Half the time had they of listened to what I was saying we could have prevented most of the things that happened. Since when do they use the saying ‘prevention is better than cure’ though.
This brings me on to the fact they don’t listen, it is all well and good asking me why I didn’t lock his medication up so he can’t overdose or why I was being human and sleeping, when I have told you what feels like fifty million times he can’t keep himself safe, his behaviour is worrying and I cannot keep him safe myself anymore, you chose not to listen and to put up with it so yes he has now overdosed, he isn’t in a good way and I could have told you this would happen!!! I felt like saying on many occasions ‘you may be able to go home tonight and not worry but this is my life, Chris life and our children’s life you are dealing with!’
This all then brings me back to the fact, like I have mentioned before that I actually recorded everything in the end so that if God forbid anything happened to Chris, I knew I had done everything in my power to do everything I could to prevent it because there was no way I was going to feel guilty and blamed for it. What all these people we have come across don’t seem to realise, apart from his Social worker we have gained since, is that if they listened to me they would gain valuable information that would actually really help them when dealing with Chris. I am not there to make their life harder; far from it and my interests are just that of Chris’ no one else.
I would also like to point out that Psychiatrist/CMHT/GP etc all have Chris permission to speak to me etc so the confidential legalities are not the issue here either, and after all it is rare I have spoken to them without Chris being there and asking me too etc anyway. Giving information to them is one thing and asking for information is another.