I have not blogged in awhile; this is because things here have been far from good. Dealing with a very suicidal and unstable Chris at times, not knowing how to help him and having very little in the means of support from anyone that does. Even now he isn’t seeing his social worker until Friday. Even he has said he deems himself high risk in terms of how at risk to himself he is. Exhausted doesn’t really cut it to be honest, I am seeing patterns from where we were last year but apart from making suggestions on ways he can help himself and trying to keep him busy I am fighting what feels like a losing battle and feel pretty useless. Too many times has he this week disappeared on me, not taking his phone, usually in the evening and not returning for hours on end leaving me worried that he is ok. All patterns again I saw last year when he was extremely bad.
He’s gone back to avoiding me, not talking to me, disappearing all things that are worrying signs for him, at least if he is telling me how he feels I have some kind of idea, most of the time at the moment I am having to guess and this is usually when he’s high risk from overdosing. As I write this, I really feel like crying, hormones are more than likely not helping me at the moment. He doesn’t know the trigger behind his feelings so no one knows what to do not even his social worker.