Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

Mothers Day

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There are a number of very special people in my life; one of them is undoubtedly my mum. I had always been a daddy’s girl when I was younger; I got on well with my mum but spent a lot of time with dad gardening etc. I was his shadow following him around, until I left home and had children of my own and my relationship with my mum changed, she is like my best friend. Looking back over the years she has done so much for my sister and I, she stopped working when she had me and didn’t return until my sister started school at the age of 4, and then she moved from secondary teaching to primary teaching so that she could be around for us more. My parents did everything to give my sister and I the best they could, that didn’t mean spoiling us with toys, sweets and gifts or giving us everything we asked for. It meant showing us they always loved us, were very proud of us and would always be there if we needed them. I had a stable family home for which I know I am extremely lucky.

After Emily was born, my mum came to stay with me for a week (my parents live 200miles away in London) she did all my cooking and cleaning and just left Chris and I to bond with our gorgeous new bundle, she did the same following the birth of Skye and Willow. I can’t thank her enough or put into words what she means to me, she has taught me everything I know about how to be a good mum. Even though I know there are parts of my life she would have never chosen for me, she has always put her feelings aside and been there no matter what. She has accepted Chris as part of the family and he is treated no differently to anybody else, she was as devastated as I was when I told her a year ago he attempted suicide (read about that here) He can go to her with anything and know she will be there for him as well. I know she means a lot to Chris because he hasn’t always felt his mum cared or was there for him; at least he has someone he can turn too apart from me. My mum makes me proud, the way she works her bum off to make sure the children she works with achieve their best, the way she has always ran the household, and given us the attention we require including my dad and still found a little life for herself too. I have always said if I could be half the person my mum was and is to me I would be doing an amazing job.

To me Mothers day isn’t only about being thankful for my mum but being thankful for my children. I am so lucky to have them; those little people have made me fight even when fighting seemed too difficult. The moment each of your children come into the world you’re filled with emotions and feelings like nothing you have or will ever have again. It’s an overwhelming feeling of love and you will do anything for them. For me it was the same breastfeeding my girls, the bond between them and I was so special, for the first 6-7months of their life they lived solely because of the milk I produced for them. I fed my youngest, Willow until she was 16months old, and on more than one occasion both my GP and various other professionals asked me if I should stop because of the stress of Chris being unwell and lack of sleep for me, that feeding Willow would be taking even more energy out of me. Every time they spoke to me about it I refused, Willow gave me a reason to stop and sit down for awhile, she gave me great comfort and I didn’t feel stopping would help, very much the opposite. The hormones that are released when breastfeeding are probably a huge reason why it was actually so good for me to continue until Willow self weaned.

I am lucky to have my mum, I am lucky to have my gorgeous girls and I don’t think I do a bad job considering, like I always remember my dad saying ‘as long as you have done your best no one can ask any more from you’ and yes I have done my best and will continue to because it’s nothing less than my girls deserve. Happy Mother’s Day to all those amazing mums out there!


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

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