Through the eyes of a carer for someone with a mental illness

The judgemental public.


Something I am still struggling with is other people and their judgements when I am out with Chris. I know I shouldn’t let these ignorant people get to me but it honestly can’t be helped sometimes. Going to the supermarket has to be one of the worst places Chris can go when he is agitated and anxious, I try and avoid it where possible but sometimes he can start off in a reasonable mood before we enter and come out a different person. The trouble is people just look at him as if he is some rude, ignorant lowlife in society when if only they knew!

One thing being a carer has taught me is not to be so judgemental because it’s easy to pass judgement from the outside but it’s rare you actually know what’s going on in someone’s life. I do get sick and tired of peoples comments and opinions that are so judgemental and very rarely correct. Depending on my own mood sometimes it’s easy to ignore what other people say or do and carry on like I don’t care but sometimes people staring etc really gets to me and I find it impossible to ignore. I just want the ground to swallow me up.

I think it has to be worse when Chris is manic, his comments can be inappropriate or just cringe worthy, I am someone who hates drawing attention to myself but that is impossible with Chris when he is saying ‘Hello!’ to everyone he see’s in funny voices. Or is inappropriately grabbing my bum all the time, it’s difficult to think you aren’t standing out like a sore thumb! To be honest it is absolutely exhausting to be with him when he is manic, I can’t keep up and it takes an awful lot out of me, goodness knows how he must feel.

If anyone has any comments or ways they have to manage their own feelings when someone is staring or being judgemental about the person they care for I would love to hear them. To be honest it would be nice to know I am not alone with feeling like this.


Author: acarerseyes

I am a mum to four gorgeous girls, and a carer to my former partner of eight years, Chris who has a mental illness, BPD. I blog my experiences.. life is tough! We live in Greater Manchester, UK.

2 thoughts on “The judgemental public.

  1. I understand how you feel. When I catch someone staring at me, I stare back at them until they’re so embarrassed they turn away. Or, I look at them and I say, ‘Can I help you?’ That usually does the trick. Even if Chris wasn’t sick, it’s none of their business regardless how he acts. People should get on with their own lives instead of worrying about everyone else’s. Remember that you do not owe them an explanation. Just carry on as if Chris is doing nothing out of the ordinary. If you don’t want a confrontation and you see someone staring, you could also just say ‘hello’ and smile or you could say, ‘I couldn’t help but notice you were staring at my husband. He’s taken.’ Then smile and walk away. Hope some of that helps. You’re not alone. 🙂

  2. Thank you, I shall remember that the next time I find things a little tough while out. It really does help to know that I am not alone in feeling like this, thank you for taking the time to share your experiences with me. Take care

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